**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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