She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
