Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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