Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
