If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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