Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
