did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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