I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
