I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
