in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
