i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Still dying that you shit outside
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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