Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
