i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
