I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
