i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
