Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
