Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
