I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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