If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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