What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
