you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
