put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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