If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
