So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
