hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
