Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
