At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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