I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
