I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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