Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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