so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
