the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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