does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
