This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
