I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
