mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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