just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
