I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
