Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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