Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
