someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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