i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
