There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
