wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
