Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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