I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
