i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
