did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
