worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
