Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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