I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
