I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
