Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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