Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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