she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He had one of those small greek statue penises
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
